The rise of online dating platforms and social media has made it easier than ever to form romantic connections, but it has also opened the door for scammers looking to take advantage of people’s emotions and vulnerabilities. Online romance and dating scams are becoming increasingly prevalent, with fraudsters leveraging technology and psychological manipulation to exploit their victims. These scams often involve creating fake profiles, building emotional relationships, and then tricking individuals into sending money or personal information.
According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), reported losses to romance scams totaled an estimated $1.14 billion in 2023, with median losses per person of $2,000 – the highest reported losses for any form of imposter scam, and the number continues to rise. Whether through dating apps, social media, or dating websites, scammers are using a variety of tactics to deceive their victims. The 3 most often reported online dating and romance scams include:
- The Fake Profile Scam
One of the most common and basic types of online romance scams is the fake profile scam, where a scammer creates a fake identity to lure in victims. These fake profiles often feature stolen photos of attractive individuals or even pictures of models. The scammer creates a fake backstory, portraying themselves as someone who is lonely, emotionally vulnerable, or seeking love. They will typically initiate contact on dating apps or websites and begin to build a romantic relationship with their target.
The scammer may express intense affection very quickly, and their aim is to gain the victim’s trust. After some time, they will fabricate an emergency or ask for money, such as claiming they need funds for a medical issue or a family crisis. Since the relationship seems real to the victim, they may be more likely to send money or share sensitive information.
Warning Signs:
- The person professes love or deep affection after only a short period.
- They are unwilling to meet in person or have video calls.
- The photos or profile details seem too good to be true.
- The Military Romance Scam
This type of scam involves the scammer posing as a member of the military, often claiming to be stationed overseas. The scammer may say that they are in need of financial assistance due to an emergency or to cover expenses related to their deployment. They might tell the victim that they want to come home but need money for travel expenses, medical care, or other urgent costs.
Military romance scams can be particularly effective because they exploit the victim’s empathy and admiration for military personnel. The scammer may even go as far as sending fake military identification or uniform photos to make their story more convincing.
Warning Signs:
- The person claims to be in the military and stationed overseas.
- They have an urgent need for money to cover travel, medical, or legal expenses.
- They avoid personal meetings or video calls and claim they are too far away.
- The Catfish Scam
The term “catfishing” refers to when someone creates a fake online persona to deceive another person, usually for romantic purposes. Scammers use catfishing to manipulate others by pretending to be someone they are not. These fake identities often involve fabricated photos and fake personal histories designed to attract and engage the victim emotionally.
Once the scammer has built a rapport with the victim, they may ask for money to cover supposed emergencies, or they might simply continue the deception, stringing the victim along for months or even years. The emotional toll of catfishing scams is particularly damaging, as victims often develop deep feelings for someone who doesn’t exist.
Warning Signs:
- They refuse to meet in person or show themselves on video calls.
- Their online persona seems too perfect, with perfect photos and an idealized life story.
- They continue to string the relationship along without any clear intention to meet face-to-face.
How to Spot the Warning Signs of a Romance Scam
- Be Wary of Fast-Paced Relationships
One of the first warning signs of a romance scam is when the relationship progresses too quickly. Scammers often create a sense of urgency or make grand declarations of love very early on. They may express feelings of deep affection after just a few messages or days of communication. This is a technique designed to emotionally manipulate you and make you feel that you’ve found someone special, building an emotional attachment that can cloud your judgment.
Signs to Watch For:
- They declare their love or strong feelings very quickly.
- They ask for personal information or suggest deep emotional connections almost immediately.
- They press for an exclusive relationship very fast.
- Watch for Reluctance to Meet in Person
Another red flag in romance scams is when the person you’re communicating with refuses to meet in person or refuses to use video chat. Scammers often offer excuses like being too busy, living far away, or being in a dangerous situation that prevents them from meeting you. These excuses may seem reasonable at first, but the longer they avoid face-to-face communication, the more suspicious it becomes.
Signs to Watch For:
- They consistently avoid video calls or in-person meetings.
- They claim they’re too far away or have a work-related excuse (e.g., military deployment, business trip).
- Their availability is limited, and they avoid real-time conversations.
- Look for Stories that Don’t Add Up
Scammers often weave elaborate, detailed backstories to create trust and empathy. Their stories may involve being in the military, working overseas, or going through a difficult situation, like a health crisis or personal tragedy. However, these stories are usually fabricated, and you may notice inconsistencies or contradictions in their narrative over time.
Signs to Watch For:
- They frequently change details in their story or offer vague, unverified explanations.
- They avoid giving you specific details about their life or background.
- They provide photos or information that seem out of place or overly polished.
- Identify Requests for Money or Financial Help
The ultimate goal of a romance scam is to get you to send money. Once the scammer has established an emotional connection, they will invent a crisis or emergency that requires financial assistance. This could range from medical bills, travel expenses, to a family emergency. Scammers often use urgent, high-pressure tactics to convince you that you need to act immediately to help them.
Signs to Watch For:
- They ask for money for a variety of reasons—emergencies, medical bills, travel costs, or investment opportunities.
- They provide excuses for not being able to access their own money (e.g., being overseas or having a bank account frozen).
- They insist that you send money quickly to help with an urgent situation.
- Look for Requests to Keep the Relationship Secret
In some cases, the scammer will ask you to keep the relationship secret, saying that they are too embarrassed to tell their friends or family about it. This is a tactic used to avoid scrutiny and keep you isolated. Keeping things secret can make you feel like you’re part of an exclusive relationship and can lead you to trust the scammer even more.
Signs to Watch For:
- They insist that your relationship must remain a secret or private.
- They avoid telling family or friends about you or encourage you to do the same.
- They make you feel special or important by keeping things “just between the two of you.”
- Pay Attention to the Language and Tone of Communication
Romance scammers often use highly emotional language and persuasive tactics to manipulate their victims. They might send excessive compliments or flattering remarks to make you feel special, or they might say things that invoke guilt or urgency. If you notice any overly scripted or repetitive language in your conversations, this could be a sign that you’re talking to a scammer.
Signs to Watch For:
- They send overly emotional, cliché, or repetitive messages that seem out of place.
- Their language is too formal or scripted, with inconsistent grammar or syntax.
- They make promises or declarations that seem too good to be true.
- Check for Red Flags in Their Social Media Profiles
Scammers often use fake profiles or stolen images of other people to create a believable persona. You can reverse-image search their photos to see if they appear elsewhere on the internet. If the profile is new or lacks personal posts, followers, or details, it may be a sign that it’s not genuine. Additionally, if the scammer’s social media presence doesn’t align with their story, it’s a major red flag.
Signs to Watch For:
- Their social media profile is lacking in personal posts, or they have few friends or followers.
- The profile was created recently, and there is no significant history.
- Their photos appear to be too professionally done or taken from someone else’s account.
- Be Cautious of Unsolicited Gifts or Packages
Sometimes, scammers will send gifts or packages to their victims in order to make them feel indebted or special. These gifts may seem like tokens of affection, but they are often part of a larger plan to manipulate you. They may then expect something in return—like a large sum of money for a supposed emergency or travel expenses.
Signs to Watch For:
- They send unsolicited gifts or packages, even if they haven’t met you in person.
- They make you feel obligated to reciprocate in some way, especially financially.
- They claim that sending gifts is the only way to “prove” their love for you.
How to Stop a Romance Scam in its Tracks
If you suspect you are involved in a romance scam, it’s essential to take immediate steps to protect yourself and stop the scam before it goes any further.
- Stop All Communication
If you recognize any of the warning signs mentioned above, it’s crucial to cut off communication with the suspected scammer. Stop responding to their messages, emails, or calls. Block them on the platform where you’re communicating to prevent further contact.
- Don’t Send Money or Personal Information
Never send money, bank details, or other personal information to someone you’ve met online, especially if you’ve never met them in person. Scammers often ask for money for various “emergencies” or “expenses,” but you should never feel obligated to help financially, especially if you don’t know them personally.
- Report the Scam
If you believe you’ve encountered a romance scam, it’s vital to report it. You can file a complaint with the following organizations:
- The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) through their Complaint Assistant.
- The Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), a partnership between the FBI and the National White Collar Crime Center.
- The platform or dating site where the scam occurred (e.g., dating apps, social media sites) to alert them and help prevent further scams.
- Warn Others
If you’ve fallen victim to a romance scam, you can help others avoid the same fate by sharing your story. Join online support groups or forums where others are discussing similar experiences. Social media platforms or public forums can also be great places to warn others.
- Check for Fraudulent Activity
If you’ve shared any personal information or financial details, monitor your bank accounts and credit reports for unusual activity. If you’ve sent money to a scammer, contact your bank or payment service provider immediately to see if there’s any way to recover the funds. It’s also a good idea to change your passwords and secure your online accounts.
Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is. A true, healthy relationship doesn’t involve pressure to send money or keep secrets.
